The Essence of Love
A tower is built with sweat.
Each stone measured and cut,
Then carefully placed to play its part.
The essence of love is work.
Work can be hard. It may involve play,
But it is still work.
To destroy can be work or play,
But it is always easier than to build.
Love is not about being easy.
- Brenneman T. April 3, 2002
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Disconnect
Electric
No words to say differently,
The answer is still the same.
Sometimes when I'm with you we see,
Distance is our game.
As it is when getting our way,
There is no open heart to say,
"I love you." We just say "hey,"
Leave compassion aside and get away.
When we're together solo,
The disconnect is electric.
So close to our soul, oh,
Without a soul to respect it.
-
Brenneman T. April 4, 2002
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Look
and See
"Pardon me, please.
No, I don't need to sneeze."
"I want to live. And why,"
You ask, "do I want by?"
"And how," you say,
"Are you in my way?"
Then when I really look and see,
I am surprised to find the 'You' is me!
- Brenneman T. April 4, 2002
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Facing
In
As the days of pain do pass,
I'll come to accept a half full glass.
Your story told to me is done,
Yet I gave my heart to only one.
The crazy loathing of mind for me,
Is advertised in difficulty.
I stretch to find the reasons why,
Receiving words but no reply.
Your soul so special and unique,
Is not a mechanism I need to tweak.
Nor am I a broken man,
Needing reparation by your hand.
With sweet apology I will find,
The core of me that is so kind.
With courage I'll turn it facing in,
To heal the world within my skin.
I've suffered many storms I know,
But none without a chance to grow.
I've given love when I should have not,
And lived with pain that other's got.
How is it then that I will find,
A truer love that lives through time?
In all great nature the answer's seen;
The sky so blue, the grass so green.
They are the way they are today,
But tomorrow may be a cloudy day.
And deer may walk upon the grass,
Or eat a bit as they move past.
Still love is there, in the ground and air.
Love's just that way. It's everywhere.
- Brenneman T. April 4, 2002
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I
Am a River
I'm no spigot.
I Am a River.
The dam is not built overnight,
But sometimes the mountain explodes.
I am redirected, and all the life within me is forever moved,
Lapping over the once dry land,
Making my rugged way of truth back to the source,
To blend again with Love.
-
Brenneman T. April 5, 2002
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Mind
and Motion Meet In Me
What is it? What's the problem?
A shut-in said I think too much, then she listens.
"Just don't think about it,
I'd be dead if I thought about my life as much as you do yours."
Then what is it? Maybe nothing's wrong, or only the mental lights were left on.
Life without commentary, wow, how simple a concept, but difficult to change.
Moving from my mythical conclusions back to the facts,
Just living, being, and participating as me.
Whatever 'it' is doesn't really matter, because 'it' is an excuse.
Who I am and what I do is fine. I just need to acknowledge my worthiness.
That is where the reality of the mind and my motions meet in me,
On a visit to a shut-in who opens my windows and doors.
- Brenneman T. April 6, 2002
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The
Sticking Point
There's a sticking point on this page,
A hump in the pavement,
and a round knob of root across the path.
There are such obstacles in our minds,
Upon which we can trip,
Or be stopped altogether.
Loosening ourselves can be a delicate task,
And avoiding every block can seem tedious work.
But life thrives in the uneven, unstructured places.
Let stickiness be fun,
Jump over the hump,
And practice good footing around the roots.
The perfect page, road, or path is dead.
You are a rise on the horizon to someone,
But you're not in the way, you are the destination.
- Brenneman T. April 6, 2002
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Creation's
Role
The tide came in,
And rains, they fell.
A tiny wren,
Sang out, "all's well."
A trillion leaves,
Began to grow.
A bumble bee,
Buzzed by my toe.
Then lengthened light,
And warmer days,
Brought shortened night,
And newborn ways.
Each budding life,
A universe.
An Awesome sight,
Of paths traversed.
Awakened soul,
With gratitude.
Creation's role,
Is attitude.
- Brenneman T. April 7, 2002
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Free
to Be
Draw near darkness.
I will love you.
Feelings of despair,
I'll kiss your brow,
I will console the fear,
That is unspoken.
And in embracing you,
We will both be free.
- Brenneman T. April 8, 2002
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To
Reach Beyond Our Plenty
Even well after medieval times,
There were many fewer options than now.
Commitment was a necessity,
Though romance flourished in French aristocracy.
But throughout history, the common man and woman,
Escaping the complexities of courtship,
Made practical pairings.
They had to work it out.
It would seem we have it all now,
But is that anything but a challenge?
We must now find a way to reach beyond our plenty,
To share the core of our hearts in love.
- Brenneman T. April 8, 2002
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A Visit to Patterson Greenhouses
Mr. Patterson, at 87, still runs his greenhouses on Monroe Road.
This year he's decided to plant vegetables too,
And he spent the whole day tilling.
I like to buy my plants there.
He doesn't have that much,
But his plants have his energy.
I caught him about to leave today.
He had already locked the gate,
But he let me in anyway.
He never remembers me exactly.
"I have so many people come in here, you know."
I always leave his friend.
"Ring Bell" is written on a board at the entrance.
Going there is like hunting for treasure. It's an experience,
And you never know what you may find.
His 120 pound pit bull protects the place at night,
Though somehow his old tiller was stolen.
He just got a new Craftsman. "About four hundred dollars worth," he
said.
He's planting the vegetables outside his fence.
"Aren't you worried they'll be stolen," I said.
"They'll be OK," he mumbled as he walked into a greenhouse.
After picking out four geraniums, I said,
"Maybe I need some more."
"You do! Yo do need more," he chuckled.
This year I was lucky and got eight dark red geraniums,
A flat of healthy mixed impatients,
And some lovely pastel petunias.
"Are you ever going to retire?"
I ask, already knowing the answer.
"Nope." He shakes his head.
"Just can't lift anything heavy.
If I stopped movin' now,
I'd never start again."
He says this with a flat in each arm.
"You're lifting those," I nod.
He smiles and says, "They ain't heavy."
- Brenneman T. April 9, 2002
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Muslim,
Christian, and Jewish Brothers
We must see that modern peace will not be found in a particular form of
spirituality,
But it is within our grasp. The soft warm light of this summer's dawn,
Will fall another child's cold face frozen in death,
Or on an embrace that may now seem a fairy tale come true. We shall choose.
What will we do to create honor under the flag of our countries?
Will mature respect of the differences inevitable in our cultures prevail,
Or will we use the flag itself separate us as a curse to compassionate love.
We must stand up to the enemy in ourselves until we act as the brothers we are.
-
Brenneman T. April 9, 2002
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Lessons
Are Lived
What one learns is but as certain,
As the time one takes to use it.
There are one hundred thousand men,
Who are taught well but then confuse it.
As mouth and mind surround a thought,
Heart secretly denies it still.
Until in all candor truth is wrought,
Of the soul's clearly mastered will.
A fool may tutor the wise today,
In the complexities above.
Not in a schooled or refined way,
But with their countenance of love.
- Brenneman T. April 10, 2002
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To
Complete a Corporeal Deed
A sudden course of "reality,"
Is sometimes all we need,
To find a new vitality,
To complete a corporeal deed.
Nature has a way of telling us,
When we're comfortably unawares.
To focus on the body's rust,
And stop wearing out our chairs.
As long a we will listen,
To the lesson that is plain,
We'll likely find a reason,
To celebrate again.
- Brenneman T. April 11, 2002
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If
it Rains
If it rains on my picnic,
that's fine.
I'm not God,
Nor am I a bursting cloud,
Or the scalding sun.
I'm not the raging storm,
Or a crisp blue sky.
I am just me,
With feelings.
Wet or dry,
All is fine.
- Brenneman T. April 12, 2002
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Of
the Lunches I've Made
The fresh fruit I've chopped;
pineapples, kiwi, oranges,
apples, grapes, peaches,
plums, strawberries, and mangos.
The smoked turkey sandwiches
With fresh whole wheat bread
Bought especially from Reid's Fine Grocery,
Hand cut, and topped with lettuce and olive spread.
The little surprises of dates or nuts,
Or sun-dried apple slices,
And the pure filtered water,
All packaged with great love and care.
Lunches never the same,
Never routine, always special,
With little notes and hearts,
Enough love and food to last for days.
Of the many lunches I've packed,
How many did I pack for me?
How often did I write my name on that bag?
The answer is a tough lesson and good awareness.
- Brenneman T. April 14, 2002
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From Pacifier to Crucible
I so want to reach out for the pacifier,
I've unwittingly used to cope all my life.
I'm struggling, but shall no longer be a student of misery.
I was born to know peace of soul,
And to aquire a certain quiet confidence,
That need not be spoken.
Believe! For it is in this current crucible of inner turmoil,
That my pathway to joy and freedom shall be created.
-
Brenneman T. April 15, 2002
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Doing
Love "Clean"
What do you mean,
By doing love "clean."
Without expectations,
Of needs being met.
Commitment,
Without attachment.
Sharing completeness,
Not always completely.
No drugs of choice,
people or things,
To numb the feelings,
Or help fantasize dreams.
As fear comes up,
Welcoming it with courage,
Feeling its edges,
Learning its purpose.
Opening the heart,
Exposing the truth,
Until in freedom,
Being made wholly aware.
- Brenneman T. April 15, 2002
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But
I Will
"I'm having a hard time God.
Anything you want me to do today?"
I guess you say,
"Just live,
and be,
and feel your life."
I don't want to,
But I will.
- Brenneman T. April 15, 2002
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Life
That Will
As to your breath,
Breathe deeply.
Take in the full measure of air,
Your lungs can possess.
Hold it a moment,
Allowing every bit of life that will,
To seep from an outer to inner world.
This takes time.
Then release the rest,
To find a welcoming place,
In this large, loving, living universe.
In the new day,
Breathe in the dark light of dawn,
Until you are there with it,
Rising upon the earth,
Warming the seas,
And creating good in all you touch.
Shelah.
- Brenneman T. April 17, 2002
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Paced, Intentional Movement
I just have to get started.
I know what tasks I need to complete today.
Once started, it will get easier.
Gratitude will come.
With my paced, intentional movement,
In the direction of love's inner call,
Life's doors will open again.
I am listening...
Now moving...
Towards grace.
-
Brenneman T. April 18, 2002
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The
Harder Way
So many easy ways,
Invite me to a moments rest.
I've taken them all before,
And have been lost.
This time I will not go,
Except the harder way of lasting peace.
-
Brenneman T. April 18, 2002
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I
Can
I can primarily look within for total fulfillment, or choose to continue looking
for something outside myself.
I can be self-aware and giving, or selfish.
I can look to fulfilling life-long dreams, or satisfy immediate cravings .
I can feel pain, accept it, and let it flow through me, or try to control it and
cover it up.
I can be a good caretaker of my body, or look for someone who cares for themself
to satisfy me.
I can learn to love as I believe God loves, or I can expect to be loved the way
God loves.
I can build myself up and encourage my successes, or I can beat myself up and
pick at my weaknesses.
I can catch a bee in the house and let it free, I can kill the bee trapped in
the house.
I can see a task I don't feel like doing as a challenge in discipline, or I can
complain about it and avoid responsibility.
I can be right, or I can be understanding.
I can be fast, or I can be gentle.
I can feel good and gloat, or I can feel good and be thankful.
I can have close physical communion or I can just have sex.
I can be humble or I can be depressed.
I can listen because I care about the person, or I can listen because I care
what they think about me.
I can be self-assured, or insecure.
I can stay with a feeling, or try to resist it.
I can love the cloudy day, or wish for sun.
I can be, or seek to be.
- Brenneman T. April 18, 2002
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Birth'
s Blood
I sense the blood and beauty of my own birth surrounds me.
I am to be born in the struggle from the womb of insecure illusion,
Into the glorious recognition of mature independence! I am new and free!
- Brenneman T. April 19, 2002
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Some
Soul Suffered
At night the sour smell arose,
Went in my mouth and out my nose.
By day the rot of thoughts repressed,
Went from my head into my chest.
My arms and legs lost energy,
As if the palsey'd stricken me.
I sat down low as I could be,
I felt victim of insanity.
But as from God's anointed soul,
A loving word came comfortable,
To soothe my healing heart and say,
"Find the peace that comes through pain today."
The word was blue upon the screen,
Moods change from blue to evergreen,
And hope within my stricken heart,
Grew stronger as I played my part.
To sit atop a pyramid,
Is not to know the work they did.
So as I labor on the ground,
I'll see a vision to astound.
In all my moments passing by,
Both joyous times and when I cry,
I must remember in all that's great,
Some soul does suffer to illustrate.
- Brenneman T. April 19, 2002
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In
Mist of Morn of My Invention
Mirrored vision, shallow pond,
Beyond breath's realm reflected fond,
By lilly-pad among the grass,
A pink and yellow bloom rose past.
My world below water's tension,
In mist of morn of my invention,
My life was led to be released,
Beneath the line where air has ceased,
To be the medium of choice,
Where painted turtles hear my voice.
With no illisions questioned there,
Where silence rules, vibrations dare,
To move the body foreign born,
Back and forth until it is torn,
And enters in the mist itself,
As into forest does an elf,
To go a place where no one knows,
Or misses breeze that never blows.
Beneath, below, beyond belief,
Is where my soul shall find relief.
- Brenneman T. April 21, 2002
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Reality,
It Grows
A gun is pointing at me,
And it isn't even there.
Here's a letter I may never see,
With words I couldn't bear.
A knife is at my throat,
Now it's pressing in my skin.
As I strain to sing the note,
Of a song that won't begin.
Every moment, it is passing,
With imaginary woes.
But in my own outlasting,
Them, reality, it grows.
- Brenneman T.
April 21, 2002
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Without
Cover
I've taken away all false supports,
And am now naked before myself,
Without cover.
I'm feeling raw, visceral,
Emotion and pain.
I'm intensely aware of my coping patterns,
But have yet to truly believe,
In the truth of me;
To be excited about
The special one that is me.
My chest is hurting a lot.
I am trying to be with that and allow it to hurt.
I just opened my door and the cool night air feels good.
I am not God or you.
I am me, and I am sad.
I am also alive, and able to heal.
I feel paralyzed now, so I'll feel paralyzed now.
My chest hurts, so I'll feel my hurting chest.
Hopelessness and sadness fill me,
So I will feel hopeless and sad.
I am me and feel me.
This is my life,
My pain.
I will live it and feel it.
It will take as long as it takes.
I will not resist it,
But accept it.
Facts are.
My interpretations are not facts.
I will find faith in the room of my soul.
I may open the door and allow the night breeze to cool me,
But I will stay with my soul.
I will not give its care over to another again.
But I will share it and explore love,
In the beauty of myself.
I will be free without cover.
I will be healed.
I am free and healing.
The river is flowing,
And the current is good.
- Brenneman T. April 21, 2002
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But a Moment Bright, Then Memory
What is this grace that touched my soul?
How great is my immortal's role?
If I were but a lump of clay,
I'd surly see love's truth today.
What short white light my life will be!
But a moment bright, then memory.
And all I am I'll never know,
Or love as you who souls bestow.
With courage as my sister now,
To lean her arm to wipe my brow.
As when the time is quickly by,
I've kissed her face. She winked her eye.
And all a family we've now become,
Like cymbal, horn, and beating drum.
To celebrate our moments here,
With grace to live and purpose clear.
A notice we will leave today,
To honor one who showed the way,
She lived her life so family centered,
And to us all she true love mentored.
-
Brenneman T. April 22, 2002
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I
Never Knew the Rule?
I wasn't born a week ago,
But I never knew the rule?
I never saw a snowflake blow?
I never walked to school?
I never saw a robin's egg,
Lie blue upon the ground,
Nor did I ever play the fool,
Trying to "conjugate" a noun?
So many things I never did,
And more I'll never do,
Cause I forgot to close the lid,
When I fell in love with you.
- Brenneman T. April 23, 2002
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Evergreen
Oh my sweet, you teach me love.
You are complete, a cooing dove.
As I have fallen, from my way.
You say keep calling, come by today.
You are just there, with all your heart.
Could I but dare, could I but start!
Such love as this, I've never seen,
More than a kiss, you're evergreen!
- Brenneman T. April 23, 2002
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Encompassed
See ye death,
Oh fallen saint?
Encompassed torture,
In leaded paint.
The time is near.
The fruit is ripe.
Encompassed fear,
In passion's might.
A consequence,
Is at my door.
Come thee hence,
Encompassed sore.
As beads do drop,
From broken chain.
I will not stop,
To start again.
And as they beat,
Upon the floor,
Encompassed loss,
Is forever more.
- Brenneman T. April 23, 2002
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Fire
or Lantern
Cornerstone, pillar, girder of me,
There is such weight to let it be.
Moving building, trembling tower,
There is such mass in motionless power.
Inside the window a light is burning.
Is it loose flame, destruction churning,
Or is it kindled soul made manifest,
In light that beams from out my chest,
To make of me, my house, a home,
With children on the telephone?
The light can fire or lantern be,
The choice lies in my own energy.
-
Brenneman T. April 25, 2002
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Purpose,
Value, Commitment
To live fully aware
To share my true self
To receive life's blessings
To serve others and God
To be whole
To bring hope
To experience the gift of real life
To embrace challenge
To love enduringly
To be there
To find meaning
To enjoy
To grow
To believe
To learn
To write
To know
To smile
To be free
Family
Children
Quality
Friendship
Health
Nature
Humility
Gratitude
Peace
Forgiveness
Acceptance
Mercy
Openness
Courage
Music
Essence
Love
Laughter
Longevity
Care
Art
Uniqueness
Sweetness
Wittiness
Kindness
Loyalty
Beauty
God
Myself
Family
Responsibilities
Home
Friends
Running
Yoga
Cycling
Swimming
The environment
Freedom
Work
My health
My diet
Fighting prejudice
Communication
Poetry
Humor
Reality
-
Brenneman T. April 26, 2002
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Broken
Doors, Cat Lives, and Degrees of Change
Enter the sacred compass of mercury's whimsy.
A swinging screen door may close upon the hand.
Or may fall upon the ground.
Hinges rusted,
Opened and closed,
Left ajar,
Or locked for ages.
The door may be left or thrown away. The opening remains.
Experience the sacred compass of mercury's whimsy,
Mosa the cat, the female Moses,
May sleep on the convertible roof,
Leaving her gray fur memories.
It is her preference over all places.
She may move when the car starts,
But may also disappear for 40 days and 40 nights,
Trapped in a vacant house, return, and live on.
Leave the sacred compass of mercury's whimsy,
The temperature is rising,
And life knows it. Death does not.
The skin sweats and tans,
And the only chill that is felt is that of morning shadows.
Mourning shadows may fall upon the curled cat,
Seen through the torn screen door,
With eyes untouched, seeking no more the holy measure of changing fantasies.
- Brenneman T. April 27, 2002
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Scaredy-cat
Turtles
I remember the scaredy-cat turtles,
Sliding off a rock in the middle of Mountain Island Lake as we approached.
I remember the cove where the lilly-pad's flower pink and white above the water.
Two kayaks, two people, one water, one God.
Finding shade and silence among the reeds,
Being two turtles of peace in one wild world.
Two turtles on one rock,
Sliding separately when ready back into cool deep water,
Fraidy-cat turtles of peace.
- Brenneman T. April 28, 2002
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Burst
Bloom
Infatuation toward another,
Begs saturation with each other.
Used up, filled up, and consumed,
Passion bursts that might have bloomed.
- Brenneman T. April 29, 2002
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Living Wild
In the wave,
Just before it breaks,
I see moving fish silhouettes,
All in a row near the crest.
Fish surfing a breaking wave.
I wish I were there,
Moving and living wild.
-
Brenneman T. April 30, 2002
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Blank
Stares
Blank stares, boring bank shares,
But blue eyes brought new skies.
Behind the button missing you,
Is that knot you tied so true.
It wouldn't loosen at my fall,
But tighted, shadows on the wall.
- Brenneman T. April 30, 2002
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"Love
and Go"
Onions she planted in a row,
On Easter afternoon to grow.
I was left but didn't know,
Not so easy, "love and go".
- Brenneman T. April 30, 2002
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All
I Am
All I am is words now,
Fed into boxed brains,
And blown out the passages of time.
-
Brenneman T. April 30, 2002
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Listen
and Let
Keep taking life personally,
And you'll never be free.
Listen to and for reality,
See what is, then let it be.
Accept and just be,
Then you'll be free.
- Brenneman T.
April 30, 2002
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